LATHE OF HEAVEN (1980)

Sorry, LeGuin fans. It ain't the lack of special effects that destroy this one. It's the lack of coherent thought. Every time this guy dreams of something (and his dreams come true, you see, now there's a novel idea), he screws it up! You'd think he'd be just a tad more careful what he dreams about after, oh, the third or fourth screwup, but he's not, and neither is the doofus scientist who's controlling the experiment. So things just get worse and worse until Professor Brainless decides to harness Dreamboy's power for himself, and golly gee I wonder what's gonna happen next? I like Ursula LeGuin. She seems like a sweet old lady. But if this is her finest hour, she better look into getting a show on the Cooking Channel or something.

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE (1977)

I'LL ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME. WHERE DID YOU HIDE THE FURBIES?

Hey, a cross between Funny Games and All In The Family! William Sanderson reads from the Racial Epithet Thesaurus while his genuinely crazed Asian friend rips a blouse off a white girl and takes a brick to the head of a young boy, and some Latino dude panics alot and wears authentic 70's pimp shirts. This is a film made in a time when men were men, goddammit. They drove Mercurys with 8-cylinder engines. They smoked cigarettes proudly and blew smoke in the face of any pansy ass who dared to object. And they lusted after full-bodied women like Lynda Carter and Raquel Welch and Pam Grier - little crack whores like Natalie Portman and Bijou Philips and Sela Ward just won't cut it for these men. Sure, the racial slurs are meant to offend, but if anyone out there thinks the violence toward children, women and old people in this movie was also designed to get a reaction, you missed the point. That's just the way we rolled back in 1977.