DEADLY FRIEND (1986)

THIS IS WHY THEY TELL YOU TO LET YOUR PLAYSTATION 3 COOL DOWN

DEADLY FRIEND is so rooted in the 80's, it's funny. Well, it's not funny actually, nor is it scary. Unless you think the old deformed crotchety lady from THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN is scary, and you're right. I watched this while napping and was about to call it a cross between REVENGE OF THE NERDS and SHORT CIRCUIT when a basketball suddenly crushed a head like a blood-filled melon and made me momentarily say "Totally cool!" (I guess I got into the 80's frame of mind).

NOW THAT'S A BUZZER BEATER!

A few more bloody killings and I wondered why this so-called "horror" film took over an hour to get to the horror. What's really scary is what I wanted to do to Kristy Swanson and I'm not even sure she was legal when this was made. Deadly dull, until the last 20 minutes, and I apologize for the cheap cliche. But Kristy Swanson remained clothed, and even a man-eating robot couldn't save it. This is why they divide DVDs into chapters.

SHE LOOKED BETTER AFTER TAKING A BASKETBALL