A CAREFUL CRITICAL ANALYSIS OF 20TH CENTURY FILM AND ITS PSYCHOMETAPHYSICAL RAMIFICATIONS UPON POPULAR CULTURE. AND SHIT LIKE THAT.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

FEMALE VAMPIRE (1973)



WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? IS THERE A STAIN ON MY...OH, SHIT!

There are some who call this Jess Franco's finest moment. And then there are some who swear the unshaven look is coming back in style. Anyone who gives this film more than one star clearly believes BOTH of those statements, and probably still lives at home with Mom. To say "this is Jess Franco's finest moment" is like saying "this is Pauly Shore's greatest performance" or "this is Ewe Boll's greatest triumph" - and parents, listen up: this movie is NOT for the kiddies. Seriously. The sight of a butt-ugly cellulite-ridden pasty-white Lina Romay wriggling uncomfortably on top of some hairy Dirk Diggler lookalike will almost certainly turn your children OFF to sex for the rest of their miserable life. You have been warned.


GOOD FOR THE PORES.


WHY ARE YOU STILL LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? I PUT ON A SHIRT...OH, SHIT.

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